JEFF CAPLAN'S MY MINUTE OF NEWS
Jeff Caplan’s Minute of News: What teenagers will do for good looks
Aug 7, 2024, 4:10 PM | Updated: 4:54 pm
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SALT LAKE CITY — My whole life I’ve heard beautiful actresses insist that “I was so ugly and awkward in junior high.” I’d roll my eyes but for the first time, now there’s a guy openly saying the same thing. On stage, Matt Rife points to his face and says, “This just happened.”
“Puberty hit me so disrespectfully late,” he said. “I was ugly… for the first 22 years of my life.”
Matt Rife is a standup comic taking TikTok by storm. He’s 28, with a perfectly square jawline, big blue eyes and a boyish smile. And he complains about it.
“I spent the first 22 years of my life building a personality—for what?” he joked. “You think I need to be funny now? No, it’s a waste of my time.”
Matt is pointing out a central truth. Life is easier if you’re handsome. Recognizing this, a lot of Generation Z boys are now joining the looksmaxxing movement. Ever heard of this? Looks. Maxxing. Where you maximize your physical attractiveness by doing face exercises like “mewing.” Mewing is where you press your entire tongue against the roof of your mouth.
I’m doing it but I don’t think my jawline’s any sexier yet, so let’s move on to gum. Remember the rock-hard gum that came with baseball cards? Kids are chewing gum that’s hard like granite to build their jawlines. Orthodontists say the problem is that these boys chewing this granite texture gum are contracting painful TMJ… Lockjaw.
So kids, if you didn’t win the genetic lottery, TikTok isn’t gonna make you beautiful.
But the good news is you can develop a great personality without any chewing. Or mewing.
Jeff Caplan is the host of Jeff Caplan’s Afternoon News on KSL NewsRadio. Follow him on Facebook and X.